Teh yo kids. After my previous HILARIOUS post about the situation in Israel and all that, I thought I’d get back to normal and post about my boring life. But first more humour.
What i like seeing is British people in these kind of crises. When I saw the Brits being evacuated from Beirut in, and i quote, “the biggest overseas evacuation since DUNKIRK”, the style of the Brits was very much “Hullo, Hullo, how are you? Terrible, all the death isnt it? Such a shame… Cup of tea, anyone, cup of tea?”
When we were empire building, we were much more ruthless with these people, i think. We operated flag diplomacy back then. Thats how we took India you see. No violence. Turned up, they didn’t have a flag “We claim this land for Britain”
“Hang on a minute, we live here!!!”
“Do you have a flag?”
“Well, no, but…”
“No flag, no country! Those are the rules, that… i just made up.” Of course, we were much more powerful then. Now we’re a bit of a joke, like the bully’s best mate. America makes some threat to the rest of the world and we just stand next to them and point and say “Yeah! You, you watch out, or we’ll come get you!”
Thank you, you’ve been great xxx
Israel: Dear Evil terrorists Hamas and Hezbollah. Don’t hit civilian targets or we will fuck you up and so will God.
Hezbollah: Dear masterful Israel, fair and balanced recipient of 89% of USA’s international aid moneys. Right you are. That would be totally lame. We shall make out sneaky way to your military bases and kidnap some of your soldiers. This is because you have nicked a great deal of our womens and childrens and we want them back, if you don’t mind.
Israel: WE WARNED YOU! Fine. We shall bomb the fuck out of your airports while planes are taking off. We will bomb fuck out of your ladies and your babies. We do this because we can. Plus God says it’s righteous as fuck. BOOM! BOOM! BOOM!
UK: Alas! Those filthy ragheads and their unjustified grievances!
USA: Israel has a right to protect itself against soldier nickers with loads of bombs!
Lebanon: Ow! Stop it!
Israel: WE WARNED YOU! STOP CRYING! All we did was bomb fuck out of your shiny new airport and your TV station (and sixty odd of your nasty civilians). Shut your piehole!
USA: Oh the horror! Iran did it. Iran wants to put Jews in fires! We must kill them before they use their huge armoury of nukes against us and God!
Lebanon: OW! OW! OW!
Israel: Palestine! You filthy swineherdists! You’re hiding one of my stolen soldiers in one of your houses! At ye!
Palestine: I never! I haven’t got a house! You blew it up!
Israel: BOOM BOOM BOOM!
UK: Stupid filthy ragheads and their unjustified grievances! Hug a hoodie! A tenner for this knighthood! Jolly ho whatnot!
Palestine: Ow! I throw bricks at you! Forsooth! Ow ow!
Israel: BOOM BOOM POW!
Greece: Calm down!
USA: Shut your cockhole gaylord!
Israel: Syria! You fuck! This is all your fault! We warned you! At ye!
Syria: Eh?
Iran: You touch Syria you touch me! And you touch my Nan! And my cousin! I do not like to be touched. And neither does my Nan! OR MY COUSIN! At ye!
Israel: BOOM BOOM BOOM!
IRAN: BOOM BOOM BOOM!
Lebanon: BOOM BOOM BOOM!
USA: BOOM BOOM BOOM!
UK: Gosh, nukes are way cool. Lets get new ones.
USA: Yes they are! But nobody is allowed them apart from me and UK and Israel.
UK: Yes that is true. Ragheads cannot be trusted.
Israel: BOOM! BOOM! BRAKKA BRAKKA!
USA: Let us rumble! BOOM BOOM BOOM!
Lebanon:
UK: Pop! Pop! BOOM! AHAHAHA! POP!
IRAN: BOOM BOOM DURKA DURKA BRAKKA BRAKKA! POP!
USA: Soudi Arabia! This is your fault for something you did one time!
Saudi Arabia: Wot? But we’re your MATES! And if you throw booms at me I’ll take that cash I lent you back and your entire monetary system will COLLAPSE!
USA: Sweet! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM!
ISRAEL: BOOM BOOM BOOM!
UK: BOOM BOOM tally ho BOOM!
Saudi Arabia: BOOM BOOM BOOM!
etc.
I’ve looked back and realised that my last 5 or so posts have been dedicated entirely to the world cup and nothing else. None of the other wonderous joys in my life have been even slightky mentioned
Firstly, i’ve no been going out with Viki for 3 months!!!!!! SCORE!!!! I’m shocked, I thought she’d have realised I’m a loser by now, but it hasnt happened.
Secondly, I HAVE THE NEW MUSE ALBUM!!!!! OMGZZZZZZ!!! It is absolutely awesome. Reccommend tracks include “starlight” “assassin” and “knights of cydonia”.
Spent earlier today in the Tesco’s cafe with kez, jen and their friend Sandy. Jen + Woody=AWWWWW!!!
Looking back at this post, it’s pathetic, just how dull my little life is. Oh well
Love dodge xxx
Another major tournament, another defeat for England on penalties. I could be negative and have a go at the Portuguese or the manager or whatever, but I really want to draw any positives i can from this World Cup from an English perspective.
Firstly, the speed and guile shown by Aaron Lennon when he has played marks him out, for me, as a future England star. He really scared defenders with his pace.
Furthermore, many of the players present at this World Cup still have one more left in them. The likes of Steven Gerrard, Frank Lampard and John Terry should all be able to play at the next World Cup and this defeat will only serve as inspiration next time they take to field for England in a World Cup.
This World Cup sees the end of the line for some great England players. Although David Beckham is much maligned, he has always given his best for England and has turned games with his set pieces and crosses. He has been an influential player as captain. Gary Neville may also call time on his career. Although I’ve never been his biggest fan, he brought a wealth of experience to the right back position and will be difficult to replace.
Finally, plaudits must go to Owen Hargreaves. He’s always been lambasted by the press, but he proved just how good he was against Sweden and Portugal. Hopefully, his heroics will not be forgotten.
Just remember people, its not all doom and gloom if you’re an England fan. We can take a lot from this World Cup and look forward to the next European Championships.
Finally: COME ON GERMANY!!!!!
